Heaux Tales. Sex Ed Lessons.
- Crystal Ellis
- Jan 18, 2021
- 5 min read
Let's take a closer look at the candid tales placed within Jazmine Sullivan's highly anticipated new album, Heaux Tales.
As an R&B, Gospel, and Pop music fan, Grammy-nominated Jazmine Sullivan is arguably one of the greatest saaangers of the new millennium. She’s had the vocal chops and star quality since youth, with the 90’s school musical home video to prove it. In 2021, she’s released her fourth studio album, Heaux Tales, which centers the feelings Black women must navigate when assessing who’s worthy of our time, money, and pussy. This album arrives at a time where physical touch is a coveted commodity due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and mass stay-at-home orders are still our reality. Heaux Tales toggles between candid monologue interludes from close friends and family, and melodic songs which encapsulates the monologue’s mood.
As a Black, sex-positive, pro-hoe, pro-decriminalization-of-sex work educator, I’d like to acknowledge the intra-culturally subjective label, “Ho(e)/Heaux”; defined as a colorful adjective, insult, or reclamation depending on the user. The slang term in all its forms has been traditionally weaponized within Black communities- to differentiate “virtuous” women from “other” women who show more skin, have unmarried sex, or choose sex work as a profession. For Black femme bodies of any age and size, anything and everything we do can be read by Black cis-men and people without color (PWC) as “S-E-X”, and therefore an invitation for non-consensual touch and conversation. To make it very clear- NOTHING we wear, reveal, or say should be assumed as an invitation to harass or inflict harm upon our bodies.
Before I continue with Heaux Tales, I’d just like to insert @thotscholar’s Twitter thread which contextualizes the (mis)use of Heaux politics from a Black sex worker perspective:
🍒🚲 🏳️🌈
That being said, I can’t say Sullivan and Co. successfully reframes the meaning of Heaux, but instead waves the word around like a white flag of surrender to the “War on ‘Black love’.” Let’s address some lessons learned within the six tales featured on the album.
Antoinette’s Tale
…And we're to blame as well, because...We're out here telling them, that the pussy is theirsWhen in actuality, it's ours
Lesson Learned: You own your pussy! When you wholly embrace your sensual self, no one else can steal your pride. You deserve to feel sexy, and if desired, wear sexy things. Black-owned, size inclusive lingerie sites like Love, Vera, d.bleu.dazzled, and SAVAGE X FENTY offer affordable pieces which remind you of your sexual power.
Ari’s Tale
I was damn near willing to just let him talk to me crazyBecause that shit was out of this world, like...Yes, daddy, yes... okLike, I was literally willing to... ruin my career…
Lesson Learned: No dick is good enough to deal with the shitty person using said dick. You might ask me, “Well, what should I do when I want great sex without potential attachment to a negative person?” and my response would be, “Hire a Hoe!” Professional sex workers are in the business of meeting your sexual desires, with no expectation of influence over your daily life. We’re way past the age of stigmatizing women for seeking services from sex workers. Why not order a custom video of dirty-talk JOI (jerk-off instructions), or schedule an intense spanking session with local or online sex workers? Find one that meets your desired aesthetic, vet them, and pay them for the great experience. Yo’ credit score, emotions, and genitals will thank you! #Pay4YourPorn
Donna’s Tale
…I would say this through my experiences, right?Women think, "Oh no, I don't trick, I don't ho, I don't do none of that shit"…You have sex because you know your husband is gonna give you what the fuck youwant the next day
Lesson Learned: Coercion isn’t the same thing as negotiation. You shouldn’t have to manipulate a partner into helping you meet a need, or buying something for you. If you’re in a cycle of trading sex for your partner’s attention and respect, I’d encourage you to take a step back; evaluate why/when it started, consider alternatives, and address what an equitable relationship looks like moving forward (or apart). Center sex for pleasure’s sake, and use your words to get what you want.
Rashida’s Tale
She proposed to me, gave me a ringShe introduced me to her best friend[Best friend and I] went out together one night, and we ended up sleeping togetherAnd, it crushed herAnd when it hurt her, it hurt me
Lesson Learned: Sometimes the prize for hurting someone you love is losing the opportunity to love them again. The phrase, “forgive and forget” is not as useful as its made out to be, because the emotional trauma and embarrassment stays with you. Once trust is broken, professional relationship therapy can safely address those painful events with a non-judgmental third-party. Even if the relationship ends, it’s still helpful to address what went wrong, to prevent the same situation happening with a new partner. Therapy for Black Girls has a wonderful provider directory to find sex and relationship therapists in your area. You can grow from letting it go.
Precious’ Tale
To be honestMoney makes me cum…I'm not about to be seen around being here for no broke niggaWhen I know it's niggas out here that'll cash out on me, sorry
Lesson Learned: Know your worth, then add tax. If money’s your motive, align yourself with a partner who meets and surpasses that expectation. Money can, in fact, make people cum- one type of BDSM dynamic is called Financial Dominance, a.k.a. findom, where a financial submissive/slave freely offers their money to a/their dominant. Other spiritualists also use sex and orgasms as a means of manifesting wealth and prosperity. Get ‘cho money, hunny!
Amanda’s Tale
Looking at these girls on Instagram and...It's hard sometimes because, I don't have all that that they haveAnd the sex has become my superpower
Lesson Learned: Comparison is the thief of joy. Here’s your occasional reminder that Instagram and the other social media platforms want people to curate their “best” online persona. A self-assured mindset acknowledges that liking and scrolling through dozens of hyper-feminized, slim-thick shaped, perky boobs and booty accounts, has nothing to do with your beauty and uniqueness. Stay in your lane, or adapt to make that your lane. Amanda, like many women, are not the ones to blame for their low self-esteem, but the misogynoiristic system insisting that we conform to “lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” rhetoric to earn someone’s commitment. Be both a lady, and a freak, or neither! Sex therapists can also help you work through self-confidence and trust issues.
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